If there’s one thing many families don’t like to talk about around the dinner table, it’s politics.—and if there are two things, it’s politics and money. While these are important topics for a lot of reasons, they remain incredibly taboo in a lot of households. And yet, talking about money becomes increasingly important as your parents age—particularly if they require physical or cognitive support.
Here are some guidelines to help you initiate ‘the money talk’ with your aging parents and address any concerns you may have about their financial wellness. If you’d like to know more or get personalized advice from an expert at Interior Savings, please contact us. We’d be glad to hear from you!
Sooner is always better than later
If you’re not sure when to start having financial discussions with your parents, the answer is simple: right now! The sooner families open up about this topic, the more normal and comfortable these discussions become. Don’t wait until there’s a financial challenge or serious issue to discuss—plan ahead, talk early and be prepared for whatever comes your way. This casual, more organic approach to discussing money as a family is a lot less stressful than introducing the topic in response to an inciting incident (a medical emergency, for example).
Tips to get the conversation started
While it may feel awkward to bring up money with your aging parents, it’s important to discuss these issues to avoid unnecessary stress and challenges as a family. Here are some tips and points to consider when speaking to elderly family members about money.
- Think before you talk. What do you want to ask/tell your parents? Are you concerned that they might outlive their money? Wondering if they have a legal Will, estate plan and/or POA developed? Do you have questions about the future or a family vacation home? Would you like to know if they have life insurance or other policies in place? Do they plan on downsizing, and can they afford nursing care if need be? Are you worried that they may be vulnerable to financial abuse or fraud? Consider writing points down or reviewing them before initiating this conversation.
- Consider your language and phrasing. Be direct, but be gentle! Instead of saying, “are you going to run out of money?” ask something like, “are you prepared for different scenarios, like needing nursing assistance or living longer than you may have expected to?” Be curious, not accusatory.
- Choose the right time and place. Now, this recommendation will depend on your parents’ personalities—is a quiet afternoon at home ideal for a chat, or at a restaurant over lunch? Does your aging parent communicate better by phone or in person? Consider what will be best received and choose a time that’s not rushed.
- Don’t infantalize your parents. Seniors often need support, but they’re adults and should be spoken to as such. While it’s important to address any concerns you have—for example, if you feel your parents may be at risk of fraud or identity theft—be sure to speak to them in an age-appropriate manner and with respect. It goes a long way!
- Share your own financial plans. Talking about money can be awkward, especially if it feels like you’re interrogating someone rather than having a two-way discussion. It may help normalize these topics if you share elements of your own financial plan with your aging parents. For example, note that you have a legal Will and POA in place, recently reassessed your insurance needs, have considered charitable giving as part of your estate plan, or that you’re saving for your own retirement/healthcare costs. Share a little, then ask them a question! This should keep the conversation flowing in a more natural way.
- Take baby steps. Talking to your parents about money should become an ongoing thing, so don’t try to get every thought or concern out in one shot. Introduce the subject gently, then build on it in subsequent conversations. These things take time and energy—don’t try to cover it all in a single discussion!
We’re here to help you navigate this challenge
If you’re not sure which questions to ask your aging parents, how to address any concerns that arise from these discussions, or how to navigate this stage of life as a family, please contact us. An Interior Savings advisor would be pleased to offer personalized advice and ensure that all generations of your family are set up for financial success. Let’s have some honest and productive family conversations about money and create peace of mind for all involved—you’ll be so glad you did.